In May, I had started to notice a shift in my motives for this blog. I was paying more attention to the tracking metrics of how many people were hitting the site than I was my step work. I was more fascinated by the ratio of new to repeat visitors and which blogs were being read the most than I was by the sharing I was hearing in meetings. Quite simply – my motives shifted and they needed to get back in check!
So, I’ve taken some time for me this past month. I’ve needed to refocus, check my motives, reengage in my job search and balance some aspects of my life. With a week of traveling and a week of family visits, I looked back on the month and realized I hadn’t posted for a single job since April 26th! While I believe my Higher Power is in control…and I’m powerless over the sale of my house, finding a new job, etc — a job isn’t going to fall into my lap! I need to do the legwork — the next right thing.
But, in recent days, I’ve felt like getting back to my blogging. It does help me to write and be aware of what is going on. Throughout the day, if I know that I’m blogging and doing a photo journal, I find myself that much more tuned into life’s little messages. And, being a little more tuned in helps me be more present, more connected with my Higher Power, and more aware of others around me. All that is good! Very good for my recovery!
And, I’m giving myself a break…easy does it! If my motives aren’t pure, that’s ok! As long as in the balance, they are more ego-less than ego-centric, I’m ok. A line from Invictus reminded me of this. The captain for the South African rugby team is meeting with Nelson Mandella. Mr. Mandella asks him how is ankle is after a recent injury. “To be honest, you never really play at 100%” — to which Mr. Mandella responds, “As in life…” So yes, I’m rarely firing on all cylinders, perfectly balanced…and yet, in spite of that, my HP finds way of bringing good out of my actions.
I thank a couple of people who have written me recently on Facebook to let me know how this blog has impacted them. I’m an open book because I’ve been given the gift and willingness. As they say in the rooms, I do it selfishly because it helps keep me clean and sober. But, if in doing so, someone’s Higher Power is able to use something I’ve experienced and written about to touch someone else, then Glory to HP!
And no, that’s not a competitive plug against Dell or IBM 😉