Grieving What Could Have Been


I look into the past
What do I see?
Truth
or Deception?

I wonder at times
What could have been
What should have been
What would have been

Not to dwell in the past
But to embrace its reality
Instead of floating in its deception
Because only by embracing
Will I be set free from its empty grip

Why?
Why did I lose my voice?
Why did I lose my soul?
Why did I lose myself?

In doing so, you consumed me
You consumed me with truth and lies
You consumed me with life and death
You consumed me with love and hate
You filled my emptiness with your own
Because I let you

My mind wants to recall the fun times
My heart wants to feel the intimacy
But I realize now that I seek this
To protect myself from the pain
To shield my heart from being alone
To deny what should have been

But that is the reality
That is the truth
That is what was
Not what could have been
What would have been
Had I been true to myself

An accurate memory that is authentic
Is better than a good one that is fake

A good memory is better than a bad picture
But a good picture does not replace a bad memory

Embrace the pain
Embrace what could have been
Embrace what should have been
Embrace what would have been

In doing so, I will find my voice
Reconnect with my soul
Rediscover myself
Be healed
Find Truth
Be Authentic
Move on

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Published by

ctfuqua

At 42, my life is in transition. I have always been a “glass half full” sort of guy. Now more than ever I see life as full of possibilities and the world full of beautiful people possessing unique and often untapped talents. I’m a learner and connector, seeking ways to leverage the abundance in this world through strong community.

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