[I started this draft on December 21, 2011. I never finished it. I’m positing it now because it captures where I was at the time.]
The worst place for this addict to be stuck is up in my head. Having been sick for the past six days hasn’t helped me either. I’ve been stuck home alone in varying degrees of pain and discomfort, restless and discontent. Thus far, the holidays had been joyful and upbeat. But, my inner peace has been slowly unraveling, the weight of my circumstances bearing down on my heart. I’ve allowed myself to drift away from the spiritual connections that have kept me grounded despite the daily grind. I’ve reverted to isolation, which only feeds my loneliness and self-pity. And stuck in self-pity is a dangerous place for this addict to find himself. I shouldn’t be surprised – I didn’t end up here by accident, or by some outside force that dragged me here against my will. I ended up here by a series of choices — either actions I took, or failed to take, in response to circumstances in my life.
And, with the same relative ease that allowed me to slip into this dark place, I am able to make different choices which will bring me back to a place of acceptance, peace and joy. I can recenter myself by letting go, and letting my Higher Power resume control.
The choice is mine.