I realize I haven’t blogged for about two weeks. And since I had earlier taken my Facebook page down due to some events and emotions, I really don’t have much “e-” contact, outside of the gay dating and chat sites. Not necessarily the best company to be keeping. And with my physical connections and friendships being closely cherished but not large in numbers…it can get a little spooky inside this carved pumpkin. Although I have been writing a lot offline, I think there are some nuggets worth sharing. Maybe not. So, perhaps a change coming… 1. get out again and enjoy nature on earth, and other human beings and 2. blog more consistently, along with photography and digital creations, as that outlet helps me work through life.
So quick update on last two weeks or so: adjusting to no online presence (Facebook) – really feeling out of touch, not belonging. Nothing has actually changed regarding the “actual” degrees of physical distance or emotional connection…but all of a sudden, the mind and heart starve for something that was there, in fact, just perhaps not being able to fulfill its promise….nonetheless, has value/role to play in our sense of community, of belonging. (Note: I do not have any financial or legal connections with Facebook…or whatever legal jargon should go hear to protect my sponsors. lol)
During those two weeks: listened as my nephew went off to college as a new dorm-bound freshman; bailed on an important ride/event; made decision to first close CHEC and then overrode with decision to keep pursuing some community work close to my heart; met with my care coordinator for our annual recertification (let’s analyze my navel and all actions surrounding it with 20 questions you should always be aware of, but only really consider during one of these conjugal visits…); found out our neighborhood block may be zoned and rebuilt, leaving me homeless at some point (really…not trying to make light of anyone’s plight – just my fear being reckless – I have and always will be taken care of; thought seriously about buying a home, whether for me or CHEC or both; decided I want to learn video remixing as a way to expand my creative outlet; lived through an Apple announcement and launch, setting goals to wait for both iPhone 6 and iWatch (less impulsive!); made huge progress on the basement cleanup program (hah!); interviewed for a part-time position; was reminded of a good friend, John Pickel (currently residing in WS, NC – looking after Maya’s spirit I’m sure with a little scotch and good cooking)…our antics together over the years, and his creative genius and humility; reconnected and re-disconnected with some souls, learning each time what we each bring and need in relation; decided on an online photo fulfillment service to let me take my photography and videography to the next level; learned a whole new vocal around acrobatics, including thai massage; experienced tactile energy and spirituality of being on a whole new level; lived through a milestone birthday for my sister, and what would have been my mom’s 73rd birthday; silently launched my new site (www.ctoddcreations.com); had friends hunt me down and go to lunch, and/or leave me with enough compassion and riddles to satisfy my emotional quotient and need for spiritual interaction at a deep soul level; lived through my dad’s loss of his “child” – a golden retriever…to an aggressive cancer that gave my dad the best last few weeks, but finally came to an end…and I feel is aloneness and yet know he is in a good place, grieving a valid loss in a healthy way; decided to go visit said dad before Thanksgiving just because… and maybe get to see my new nephew!…; dropped my motorcycle on me, doing minor damage to owner and bike – shoulder is biggest pain now, may need to go to clinic; took in another stray… and that’s about it. I think. Not much going on…
“The boy” (stray) has been awesome – having a non-sexual male friendship and interaction; his integrity has also rekindled my faith in other humans. But having another person here in my space is also bending my rule about monkeys in my circus, my sacred space. I thought I had learned that lesson, but not as fully as I needed… This round, I realized that I’m putting them in a lose-lose situation living here with no financial means and no formal contract/commitment (e.g. CHEC, but not at home!)- and that’s not healthy or what I want. So it’s really got to be a hard boundary, particularly as I pursue the shaping of CHEC’s mission. End of story.
Nonetheless, there is something healthy about interacting with another human being. Dogs are great companions, but not the replacement for human touch and intuition.
So there’s not much to add here other than:
1. Checkout www.CToddCreations.com – give me feedback on cost/quality, but I’m really excited about the product offerings!
2. Happy 50th Birthday to my sister. And light and love to my dad as he lives through the loss of his companion, Baloo.
3. I put together a portfolio of my videography creations – check them out on my homepage, but for now let me share the clip from this one event that really moved me… I’ll try to convey some of the emotions in the experience through visual arts and storytelling. I also leave two collages, celebrating Lisa’s 50 years of life and Baloo’s life as dad’s companion, and an amazing cover of an old time favorite from my generation (gosh, 40 IS the new 30!)